Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
