I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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