The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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