I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's get the cat blown out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
