my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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