There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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