two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
