Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
