Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
