I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
