Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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