If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
