I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
