I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
