Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
