I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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