I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
