Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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