Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
