Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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