Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
