What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
