I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
