Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do herpes really smell.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
