No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
