All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
