You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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