He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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