this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
