I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
