is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
