Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
