You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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