I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize