the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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