i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
