return my video game
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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