just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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