I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I skipped work to stalk him.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
