holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
her facebook's as public as her vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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