so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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