At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
