I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
