I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm having to shit out rocks
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
