woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
