Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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