i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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