no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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