No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize