i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
