dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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