i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize