Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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