someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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