Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My penis needs a shock collar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
