the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
