Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
