I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
