Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
