how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
