he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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