omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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