i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
