I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize