Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
