I think i peed on brittanys purse
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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