So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
