We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
