I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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