did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
