Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
